Artie Lange Attempted Suicide But Failed Like A Good Attention Whore


Howard Stern's sidekick Artie Lange was hospitalized over the weekend in New Jersey for an undisclosed ailment. Turns out the undisclosed ailment was a knife sticking out of his chest. Artie tried to commit suicide BY STABBING HIMSELF MULTIPLE TIMES! Artie stabbed himself 9 times in "an apparent suicide attempt" according to Page Six. Sources say Lange's mother came to visit him Saturday at his Hoboken apartment and to drop off food when she found him bloodied. They say Lange had six hesitation wounds and three deep plunges. Surgeons were able to stem the bleeding and save Lange. He has been absent from the show since early December, and recently canceled several stand-up gigs including one on New Year's Eve. In October, Lange missed more than a week of work after having what he described as a "mini-nervous breakdown" and near-relapse into drug addiction. The New York Post report:
Troubled comic Artie Lange landed in the hospital after stabbing himself nine times in an apparent suicide attempt, sources told The Post. Lange's frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said. Lange sustained six "hesitation wounds" and three deep plunges. A source close to Lange's management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding. "We all have our demons," Stern said on-air this week, referring to Lange's past battles with addiction. "Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."

Damn, whatever stupid reason or reasons Artie had to attempt suicide he can now add another to that list. The dude is going to have some amazing scares as a result of his little handy work. Sure it was cool that the doctors saved him, but now he's going to have all these nasty scars across his chest. He can pretty much kiss any future career as an underwear model goodbye. Not to even mention that he failed at suicide which is the most pathetic thing ever. I mean, if you can't kill yourself then you are pretty much incompetent. This is just Artie's luck. BTW, Howard Stern might want to consider firing him because he is totally nuts. Next time he might try to hurt others instead of himself. And with America's hyper-sensitivity to workplace violence, the lawsuits will becoming from everywhere if he hurt a hair another person at the studio with this incident noe on record. Yup, dude just flush his career don't to toilet. On the other hand, as a comdian this incident is gong to give him some great material for his next comedy show. Click on pictures to enlarge.

I kid you not, this is (or was) his girlfriend:




Arthur Steven "Artie" Lange, Jr. (born October 11, 1967 in Livingston, New Jersey, U.S.A.) is an American actor, comedian, radio personality and author. Lange is most notable for replacing Jackie Martling on The Howard Stern Show, and for being an original cast member of the sketch comedy series MADtv. Lange co-wrote a book with Anthony Bozza, titled Too Fat to Fish. It was released on November 11, 2008, and was named on the New York Times best-seller list on November 21, 2008.

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